Far From Perfect

So far most of my posts have been about the positive aspects of finding out we are having a baby. However, lest anyone think pregnancy is 100% fun and exciting, heartfelt moments and good times, let me be the first to assure you there are also rough patches. When Helen feels bad physically or emotionally, I sometimes end up receiving the brunt of her wrath. It's to be expected. But instead of getting too upset, I try to use these times as a learning experience, and transfer the lessons of my marriage to future child rearing.

Yesterday, Helen was about to take a nap, and called me into the bedroom. When I got there, she asked me to close the window and pull down the shades, actions I thought she should have been able to do herself, especially since she hadn't gotten into bed yet. Channeling my inner Spock, I'd say it was a completely illogical request and didn't understand why she asked that of me. (Feel free to let me know what you think, since I still don't get it.)

I told her I would do it, but there was a limit to the number of things like this (read: things she could do herself) that I would do for her. She got a little upset, so I closed the door, left the house and did my own thing for a while.

When I returned, I told her that when we get short with each other, I may take off for a bit to give ourselves some time apart to cool down. (Side note: my communication with Helen is quite good. For instance, sometimes when she's mad at me I'll ask her if she wants to be alone, or have me stay there so she can yell at me. It's kind of comical. For the record, her answer is usually, 'Stay here and let me yell at you.')

My main point- I think taking a self-induced 'time out' is a good strategy when you have a cranky baby, just as it is when you have a cranky spouse. People have told me when a baby is crying and you're at your wit's end, the best thing to do is go outside for a few minutes so you can regain your sanity and come back without doing or saying anything you might regret. I did that with Helen yesterday and thought it worked out well.

Bottom line- handling stress, anger, boundaries and limits are valuable skills that apply for all relationships, regardless of who the person is. Even your unborn child.